The Guilty Mother

So, today is one of those "fun" Saturdays where all we do is snipe at each other through "fun" family activities (oh, lets be honest, where I am being sniped at) where I had to go for a walk, by myself, and where I don't see many benefits of being married, and I am completely fed up with the whole enterprise. 

And of course, when I came back from my walk, I had a child who had been sobbing the whole time I had been gone. 

And, right after I've composed these two paragraphs, Kirk comes in and apologizes.  There goes my righteous indignation.  Can't I even have my righteous indignation for a few moments? 

I am now exiled in my office for a few moments and am completely neglecting putting the last of the Christmas decorations in a box that will still sit on top of my freezer for months, right above the pile of broken floor tile that has been there since August, right beside a bucket of dried mortar.  And, of course, avoiding mountains of laundry and making the grocery list, all of which will add up to more work for me tomorrow.  Perhaps I should take a more Benedictine view of things.

The benefit of a walk by myself, though, beyond the sun that's finally come out, and the near silent path as it is -18 with wind chill today (I was comfortably bundled after skating at our local outdoor rink this morning), is that I had time to think. 

As you know by now, I struggle with guilt alot.  I had a friend ask me what I thought I could do about it the other day.  And so, I am in the beginnings of devising a non-fiction book project about "The Guilty Mother" or, alternatively, "The Guilt-Free Mother."  I have just finished reading two book projects - Julie and Julia (thanks Kim) and The Year of Living Biblically, by AJ Jacobs (funny and poignant book).  As I was walking, I was thinking, why not a year of living guilt free - or at least attempting to?  I'm not talking here about going out wildly drinking while Anja sits by herself in the house, but finding out the roots, mythologically and etymologically speaking, of guilt, specifically in a mothering context.  Then, looking at ways to assuage the guilt or at least not always be shrouded in it.  I could, for instance, have a guilt advisory board comprised of several people (mothers included), and would be interviewing people, etc, etc.  It's a bit hard to articulate, but I'm thinking a little bit of how-to, but in a more substance laden way.  Please do tell me what you think.  Do you know people who would buy a book such as this?  Would you buy it for first time mums?  Of course, the book may have a blog component.  I actually think this kind of book may sell quite well as women are the largest book-buying demographic.  And I did know an agent way, way back when....